Son of a gun

My mother may be the only glue to fix this broken mess that you made so maybe you should stop pointing fingers and look within yourself. I will NOT let you continue this lie that my mom is the reason you suck as a father. I’ve been living on my own for 10 years and trying to get you to want to be present for even longer. You contribute nothing to my life. No advice, no support, no security, no dependability. I’m an adult, I don’t need any more broken promises, I need help making life easier. It’s been nothing but difficult to do what I’m doing and you sit around proud, smiling like you did something. Where were you when I got into IRS trouble? You could have been helping me with my taxes years ago. Where were you when I lost my job? You could have been investing in my future instead of entering photo competitions still determined to prove something in your life instead of moving that energy into your kids. Do you know how many men I’ve dated? How many serious relationships I’ve had? How many times I’ve fled the homes of men I didn’t trust because I have trust issues that probably stem from you. Do you know what it’s like to be chastised for your wild behavior and random actions? You probably do, but you’ve made me feel like an outsider just as much as the rest of the world. Don’t call me with your mother on the phone, I don’t know her, nor your sisters or anyone else in your family for that matter. That’s your fault, you never invested in your family lineage to make us proud of who we are and where we came from. And if you don’t have the answers as to why your skin is light and hair is soft, find them. Help me understand who I am. Do more. I can’t call you when I need something. You’re not my emergency contact, I don’t even know your phone number by heart.

I barely know you.

I’m not mad nor angry.

I’ve been masking my sadness for years, tired of the lies and neglect. Until you’re ready to invest in my life 100%, being that I’m your seed and all, I’d appreciate some space. So I can get over my daddy issues and move on with my life. So I can allow myself to feel love and change my last name and start to forget about the gap of my life that you chose to barely be there. You’re more than capable of being a better man than you have become. I expect more from a man of your caliber and you continue to let me down.

Thanks for the prayers and love. God knows your heart. I just can’t depend on you.

I love you.

-Your offspring.