The Fly

the fly

On the waterfront, with bugs and flies . I’ve had too much to eat. Chest heavy ass lifted . feeling an itch in my throat . Hawking flem like a vietnamese in squating position, I guess I’m purging my impurities. Upon arrival to NY I eased into the freedom once felt. Life unlocked the shackles of a closed mind and body, i wiggled my toes in excitement. The air, putrid, yet refreshing. Street cars zipping past and life back in my hands. I’ve paid my fare.

What type of woman do you think I am? Especially since you know me best. I rarely give anyone this much attention. Did I mention, I’m in love with your potential.

The fly that flew inside my mouth

And lived inside my body

The bug`

And itch to love somebody

The man within my hands is a bud growing, iwater your seeds, fulfilling your needs. Mother love, so much inside of me. And all the while I’m learning space and boundaries. Territories no real woman should ever cross. You let me push buttons and turn you on.

And well

I’m much obliged. mm

Tonight my desire for you faded like the sunset. Leaving your bedside I rose on the west side highway on a late night. Trying to cage inhibition. She’s a wild one with no mind. The thoughtful woman inside wants to control her. Hold reigns to a leash which is my future, pulling me. Walking alongside my master.

My heads ringing. Been experiencing internal bleeding since we kissed goodbye. As I google all the things that could be wrong with me I’m not so focused on anatomy. What’s so wrong with me that the thought of loving is obsolete. What’s inside of me that’s drawing us like pen and ink? This is poetry. Wandering while wondering, sometimes you call to check on me. Sometimes you share the best of me. And other times I think I can do better.

Obviously I’m a bit confused.

And

That’s the state of our existence.

 

 thick

as

jesse.

Thick As Jesse

Poems, quotes, and good advice. 

By Nai Vasha 

Dedicated to my past and future. 

This is content like a motherfucker 

life’s substance. 

The romantic, the bad habits, fueled fractions of winter spent getting high and turning grey. 

Self help. 

Heaven helped along the way. 

My name is naivasha, a lake in kenya that I have

yet to visit. my father was a missionary and he brought back a name for his first

born. how sweet. i have my fathers eyes, his skin and smile, his outlook and

energy. I was never really like the other kids. 

Ms. Understood, what poked my chest

out, for others, folded. proud to be black. Well brown. Well black. I am. 

In the black community ...

"cuteness" is usually based on the length of a girls hair and her complexion. This

made me a pick of the litter. 

Some of this is fake. 

Some of this is true. 

Some about me. Most about you.

The Stockton Record

In the beginning there was 

Northern California and it was good. 

Letter to my dad

My mother may be the only glue to fix this broken mess that you made so maybe you should stop pointing fingers and look within yourself. I will NOT let you continue this lie that my mom is the reason you suck as a father. I’ve been living on my own for 10 years and trying to get you to want to be present for even longer. You contribute nothing to my life. No advice, no support, no security, no dependability. I’m an adult, I don’t need any more broken promises, I need help making life easier. It’s been nothing but difficult to do what I’m doing and you sit around proud, smiling like you did something. Where were you when I got into IRS trouble? You could have been helping me with my taxes years ago. Where were you when I lost my job? You could have been investing in my future instead of entering photo competitions still determined to prove something in your life instead of moving that energy into your kids. Do you know how many men I’ve dated? How many serious relationships I’ve had? How many times I’ve fled the homes of men I didn’t trust because I have trust issues that probably stem from you. Do you know what it’s like to be chastised for your wild behavior and random actions? You probably do, but you’ve made me feel like an outsider just as much as the rest of the world. Don’t call me with your mother on the phone, I don’t know her, nor your sisters or anyone else in your family for that matter. That’s your fault, you never invested in your family lineage to make us proud of who we are and where we came from. And if you don’t have the answers as to why your skin is light and hair is soft, find them. Help me understand who I am. Do more. I can’t call you when I need something. You’re not my emergency contact, I don’t even know your phone number by heart.

I barely know you.

I’m not mad nor angry.

I’ve been masking my sadness for years, tired of the lies and neglect. Until you’re ready to invest in my life 100%, being that I’m your seed and all, I’d appreciate some space. So I can get over my daddy issues and move 

on with my life. So I can allow myself to feel love and change my last name and start to forget about the gap of my life that you chose to barely be there. You’re more than capable of being a better man than you have become. I expect more from a man of your caliber and you continue to let me down.

Thanks for the prayers and love. God knows your heart. I just can’t depend on you.

I love you.

-Your offspring.

At one point my mom sat me down in front of my boyfriend and asked if I was gay. 

I’m out here trying to teach you how to be a wife.

You have to be nice and respond when someone asks you a question.

- Mom

I was attracted to the boys who woluld swallow a jar of Carmex before spitting game. The ones who had been to juve once or twice. 

He prostyled his sideburns down for added effect. My first love. 

Four years my senior, he never tried to take advantage. 

At this point my mother thought we were sleeping together and assured me I would get AIDS while speeding recklessly down the interstate.

Funny how tight my chastity belt was back then. 

Public access television still airs a heart-felt performance of me and my high school boyfriend grinding to 

R.Kelly's, "Feeling On Your Booty." 

Chuck

I can still remember the day I met my first boyfriend. 

I also remember the day his sister called me to tell me he had been murdered. 

Don't starve waiting to get fed.

Stay 

hungry.

Stay 

eating.

Big girl.

Big apple.

Baby bites. Repeat.

When the smell hurts your eyes and you hope to never see temptation again.

Sounds of heavy breathing

I sat patiently

Waiting to purge my insides

I touched myself this morning

Drenched my sheets

All to the thought of you.

As I lay and die

I see your eyes

And dream of similarities 

existing in 

Elysium

If I could play a 1000 games with you a day I would

But only the ones that make you feel good

You like to play for 

disater.

I surrender

You win.

I can’t complain, this is what I asked for. 

Funny how we speak our desires into existence then sometimes have resistance when they appear. 

No matter how you lo 

Break out but not down

Get up and stand tall

Talk only when necessary

Give nothing but your all

Break walls and kick doors

There is so much to explore

Make windows and magic

Protect both with habit

Break laws and break boundaries

Cause the ruckus while you can. 

ok at it I’m winning.

Sophia Chang

Effeminate men don't deserve more than a page in my book.

To love is to be vulnerable ...

Things change. You fall off. You fall into grilled cheese sammiches even though your slightly lactose.

I love you.

He

enjoyed my writing.

How my words were nonsense that made sense. He helped me

to love what I did, naturally.

Go after a life of love as if your life depends on it ... cause it does

the fly

On the waterfront, with bugs and flies . I’ve had too much to eat. Chest heavy ass lifted . feeling an itch in my throat . Hawking flem like a vietnamese in squating position, I guess I’m purging my impurities. Upon arrival to NY I eased into the freedom once felt. Life unlocked the shackles of a closed mind and body, i wiggled my toes in excitement. The air, putrid, yet refreshing. Street cars zipping past and life back in my hands. I’ve paid my fare.

What type of woman do you think I am? Especially since you know me best. I rarely give anyone this much attention. Did I mention, I’m in love with your potential.

The fly that flew inside my mouth

And lived inside my body

The bug`

And itch to love somebody

The man within my hands is a bud growing, iwater your seeds, fulfilling your needs. Mother love, so much inside of me. And all the while I’m learning space and boundaries. Territories no real woman should ever cross. You let me push buttons and turn you on.

And well

I’m much obliged. mm

Tonight my desire for you faded like the sunset. Leaving your bedside I rose on the west side highway on a late night. Trying to cage inhibition. She’s a wild one with no mind. The thoughtful woman inside wants to control her. Hold reigns to a leash which is my future, pulling me. Walking alongside my master.

My heads ringing. Been experiencing internal bleeding since we kissed goodbye. As I google all the things that could be wrong with me I’m not so focused on anatomy. What’s so wrong with me that the thought of loving is obsolete. What’s inside of me that’s drawing us like pen and ink? This is poetry. Wandering while wondering, sometimes you call to check on me. Sometimes you share the best of me. And other times I think I can do better.

Obviously I’m a bit confused.

And

That’s the state of our existence.

The fly that flew inside my mouth

And lived inside my body

The bug and itch to love somebody

All the flowers in my bouquet wilted 

he picked me out my garden

out of life 

only to leave me dead. He found what

he wanted and with consent of the minds he violated me

forcing way beyond

my boundaries. 

Rough and regale. Maybe I should have talked to someone about this a long time ago.

Funny how it all starts. 

His words

come as whispers. the only way to hear him is when he is inside of me. his treble

sends vibrations to my toes, they curl. I'm inspired every time we share a space.

thank heaven for a man of his caliber. he listens and has stayed a gentleman even

though he lives a wild life.

I can do what girls your age can do 

Don’t you see my potential

I can teach you things you never knew

Would you like to see my credentials?

Not into shocking acts of fuckery to get attention. 

I need to stop saying fuck

I say fuck a lot

Ladies and gentlemen

Excuse I am down on my luck

Help me with a small donation

Down on my luck

Help me out with a small donation

Down on my luck

Help me out with a small donation

Down on my luck

Help me out with a small donation

Down on my luck

Help me out with a small donation

Down on my luck

Help me out with a small donation

Down on my luck

Help me out with a small donation

Down on my luck

“This is, Bedford Avenue”

One dollar one dollar.

Each candy is one dollar

Excuse me ladies and gentlemen

My name is byron and I am selling candy and fruit snacks today

Please help me by buying my candy and fruit snacks.

I am selling candy and fruit snacks to stay off the streets and put of trouble.

The good honest way

One dollar one dollar

Each candy is one dollar

L train to manhattan

I said I’d stop smoking and drinking. For me. For my body. These things don’t make me better. And dammit. I want to be great. I caved in and puffed sunshine while flower bombs burst high in the sky. I felt like one of them, cracking fire in a dark place. Exploded with light but quickly going away.

i am numb

never sleeping

never crying 

never scared

blemished body

nappy hair

i can study you like religion

you make me better

new fortune and rights manifest in your touch.

i love you.

i asked you to be honest

to never hesitate or question our interactions

to travel weigh me and enjoy the ride

while we both have the time.

passion looks real on you.

the flavor of your body is rewarding.

i make the effort to treat myself to you on a regular

every girl has to live a little.

we both need each other

but have time to level the proportions

don't change your flavor

I can't suffice my hunger without you.

I’ve lost my desires in a desk full of work

Almost lost my religion 

Lost fear

Love

Weight

And resistance

All in the exact order

And now I’m eyeing the cross on a road once traveled

Maybe not by these freckled cheeks and young bones.

But I’ve been here.

And all I know to do is stay strong.

Love

Love came without our permission

Loves leaving without our consent.

I kept my cool.

Up until the moment he pushed his probe into my anus. Another fucking cherry

popped. Disturbed and distraught I climbed out of the bed, rushed to the restroom

and checked my ass o see if I was bleeding, I was. 

I felt violated. 

We talked about it. 

Ms. Understood

no longer signing with my maiden last

I’ve adopted this new nom de guerre 

and wait on friend to push me back

i dream about things i am soon to see

conjure up words I’m not ready to repeat

sit silently in transit waiting to be released

the wold outside my window is not my peace

data is all that i expect from living 

suffocated will but i keep giving

destiny is a thrill

i mount and jaunt her

until she bleeds

pain is carried on false perceptions

passion low and i get high off him

strength in my wine

ms. understood

a lavish lush inside

I laughed so hard

I laughed so hard

I laughed so hard

Yesterday 

Unsure about love

For he had merely lost his God

without anything to believe.

My destruction strangled me. The desite to feel

the touch of another fueled me. He nonchalantly 

proposed the idea. 

Freely dropping his pants to reveal the merchandise. 

Expensive, yet cheap.

I gave in. I'm easy when

its cold.

I take you

for what you are.

It's all there.

You know more

than I could ever know.

Oh lord.

Honor my soul.

Feed my heart.

Help me to lose all control.

They'll always find a way to put you in a box

Get out that axe take that wood

I am not amused by the downfall of mankind. I do not encourage my brother to destroy himself for the sake of a "good time". I create creative social activities for friends to promote a change in mind, body, and spirit. Cause quite honestly, we are over due for something new. And as the world tries to talk me out of my duties, I stand steadfast at the gate of my own freedom. Liberation and hard work will propel me into a greater atmosphere of people, ideas, and inspiration. I just have to focus. The enemy is against me, the enemy is trying to kill me. My visions, my dreams. The enemy still lives inside of me and as I detox in search of something that feels better, I can feel the enemy slowing dying.

There was a time when I was slowing dying. Thank God for deliverance And wisdom in such a wild world.

When my body is tired, I sleep

Crazy fool.

When my mind is hungry, I eat

Crazy fool

The things you just consider

But hold back to not differ

With the loons and toons

Around you

Such a crazy fool

Righteous Monday morning

Slipping into darkness by noon

Its cool

The way of the fool

Foolish with a whimper

The quiet needs something loud

you boom

And crack

To break disasters

In order to teach others how

The people call you a fool

You've forgotten to follow rules

And in doing began to rule

The world and all around you

The fool

Questioning things that are incomplete

If I must learn to love others

I must first love me

Cool

I've accepted that I am a fool

Cashing in my riches for knowledge

enlightened and educated fool

Humor me

I bring humor and laughter

Such a crazy fool.

I can make a stranger cackle

Fool.

I don't know if I've gotten prettier or uglier by 

being with you.

I climb high

Never thinking about coming down

A perfect day is spent tending to all my weaknesses.

It took trip to nowhere for me to see how far I have come.

He asked

"What is it you don't do?"

I answered

"Give up."

I want to hold my lovers hand and walk blindness down broadway. I want to stay up all night finding inspiration with the man that inspires me. I want to make out in Washington Sq park one night in the summer. I want to forget the rest of the world exists. I want to have a pillow fight in my lovers bed and pass out from exhaustion. I want to give love 100% and deal with the consequences later. I want to take photo booth pictures of all if our silly faces. I want to try new things and go new places. I want to catch up on sleep in my lovers arms. The time always seems to slow down when you're in love.

I want to dream about a wedding. Big and small.

I want to say yes, and I do, and forever and for it to mean something. I only have one chance at this life and I want to give it my all.

Logic will not change an emotion, but action will.

Zig Ziglar

I've listen to the birds in Nantucket sing songs among the purring of the wind. Exposing my body to men and sunlight for small moments of a time. Not trying to get sick. Alive.

I feel more alive.

Honored with strife and Christ.

It's hard for me to share my words because I can't jot and dream at the same time. Sometimes. I let it all just come to me. Why fight against the wind?

I'm blowing somewhere.

Sure of that

L train.

Manhattan bound. 

Last night I fell back in love. Maybe I just needed the attention. Always looking for more while showing my ass to what I have. Bent over for a spanking I say dirty things that I really don't mean. I know he likes it.

Sometimes I see how far our tease fest can go. Knowing damn well distance keeps me celibate. Well that was at least our agreement. I think.

Last night he said sweet things to me. But he wasn't the only. The minister text me, reminding me that I run through his mind.

Looking at art today in such a wide arena. I'm not far from being there. This next year of life I want to stick to the plan and praise my God for life.

I've forgotten to tithe.

I've forgotten to give just a peace of me for good and for the Lord.

I've forgotten that its bigger than me.

The thing that keeps me humble

Is that I'm only a flea.

Nobody wants me

I work hard to be wanted

To be better than me

God Bless the rain

the things we do not wish for

but often have to endure.

Soaked in my emotions

waiting for sunlight to bring a cure

Hurt without conviction

on a bus to Seattle, just watching rain pour.

Supple Fingers

Ive moved onto touching myself multiples times in one day. Why didn't you let me in this go round? I take you as an honest man, so whose the fable for if it not the world. The world you flipped the bird to years ago.

I'm riding on the J train. Manhattan bound, march to the melting pot. It's Beccas birthday and I asked your company. You laughed as if I play a fool. Generously presenting myself to you. Fool.

It stormed for one hour, people running in the streets in fear. I Danced. There's a reason the rain is here. I'm late like the wild rabbit, aimlessly like the hare.

the mistress of seduction sat eagerly behind my teeth, i screamed for him . inside wanted out, patterned night talks unwrapped my hesitation, it grabbed my wrists, flub my legs behind me. like a swine in heat i heaved for opportunity. mouth opened. 

i omitted my sense of sight for the privilege of osculation. men fast as dirty as their fuel. any other day would have moved faster but this tim, i wanted to savor the moment. 

Art Pepper - You Go To My Head

Illustrator

Drunken Noodle and my Brita filter. I need 5 more refills to hit a gallon.

Box braids.

Ecclesiastes.

More juice.

More snow.

Slow mo.

Home court advantage.

As good as you are to people. They will never be that good to you.

Don't get your hopes up. Don't let your heart down.

Continue. 

You will be rewarded in the end.

Self

Things I could be doing other than looking at the sky waiting for a sign

Or searching the Internet waiting for the same

Things change

Nothing stays the same

So as we grow

Wait

Are we even growing ?

Doing the same shit we did yesterday

Without even knowing

As I'm standing in the same footsteps 

of the same doorway that keeps me away from the world.

Sometimes I'm too sheltered for my own good. Other times just down right dangerous.

Don't let me get me.

Picture a pendulum swinging for eternity. Each sway building momentum for the next move.

This image was stenciled into the back of my brain so that every time I would sleep I could see the pendulum, moving with no interruptions. Asking myself, What can I become if I stop.

What do I become if I stop interrupting 

myself?

I like men who are comfortable in their money.

I don’t want anything that someone can take from me because I didn’t put in the hours.

Tory burch is the Caesar salad of handbags - 

Justin Wootten

Blow me up and keep blowing. 

Fill my cup until it is overflowing.

I wonder if it is the world or the weather that makes us so cold

Nothing of this world has ruined me. Even when I was the hazard.

If I'm not working to get stronger than I'm getting weaker.

Sakiya

Winners do what losers don't.

What don't I need to start stop or continue doing to get what I want?

At the counter of success payment is in full and in advance.

Everything I got is from everything I gave.

Know your worth and dont compromise.

My office is my mind

A prayer.

God thank you for everything. And I apologize for not appreciating my beauty and gifts. For trying to turn off everything that has been given to me. Now as my pockets run empty and my heart barren to things of this land, I ask for a new direction... A light that guides me down a path beyond my expectation. Aligned with the goals set forth years ago. To create, to inspire, to connect and fuse purpose into things that feed the eyes of my colleagues, the hearts of my successors, and the souls of those who may not know HIM.

Hallelujah

All Honor be to the most High

Strengthen me up so that my mind find peace

Amen.

Giving my money to the church instead of the bar. 

No longer amused by destruction. 

Don't miss out on the super natural because you've been seduced by the need for spectacular.

-Carl Lentz